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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

HAIR AS MESSY AS MY LOVE LIFE

 





"I'm so excited to just BE single, do me for a while!" I said to my friends just over a year ago whilst eating brunch. The statement didn't hold a lot of depth to it, as less than a week later I found myself becoming more than fixated on a boy who'd been persistent with me for quite some time. A few months deep and I found myself in a "relationship", with someone I couldn't quite HAVE. I mean, we were together intimately, in the sense that I did all the girlfriend duties, but he refused to put that label on it. I believed the more I gave to him the more he'd want me to be official with me. Endless nights in clubs, with girls approaching him, or conversations where I'd try and convince him to delete Tinder. As if it was some kind of business proposal, where I needed to get approval. So I gave...gave my time, my effort, my energy and my heart to him. After a long and painful relationship, on my part, it ended. I walked away with not a lot of pride left and a completely different person than I was before. I felt like I'd failed him as "girlfriend" as for some reason I wasn't able to fulfil his needs and I felt like I'd failed myself for losing who I was and everything I stood for as a young women. Even now, I get embarrassed replaying particular events in my head. 

Giving so much didn't make me as indispensable as I thought. Being a giving person is a great thing, don't get me wrong, but when it's to the wrong person, problems emerge. The issue is, the more you give to someone, the more invested you are, the more you end up caring. When you give to a guy unconditionally, it's showing you're trying to prove something, which essentially is the cause of insecurities. I'm not saying don't give to a guy at all, but wait until he's ready to give to you too. Otherwise an unhealthy balance is created in the relationship and before you'll know it you'll be six months down the line, crying in Nando's because they're refusing to delete Tinder for you. I make the mistakes so you don't have to, ey?  


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Jacket - Zara
Top - Zara

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