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Wednesday, 17 May 2017

THE EMOTIONAL DIETER



As I prepare myself for my Ibiza holiday, after being horrendously ill for the past week, now has never been a better time than ever to give my health a serious kick. Talking about my diet is something that makes me feel a little insecure, my weight has always been a sensitive issue for me - almost feeling embarrassed by it. No, admittedly, I'm not severely overweight and yes, my diet COULD be a lot worse. However, my issue with my diet is the emotional stigma to it. Like most girls, I'm guilty of emotional eating, I feel sad, so I eat chocolate and chicken nuggets...I feel happy and I also eat chocolate and chicken nuggets. You see the problem now? 

However, that is just the tip of the iceberg for me. My relationship with food goes a lot deeper than that. I grew up with my family owning restaurants, so inevitably I loved trying new foods and experimenting, I was never shy of it. My health, fitness and diet is the reason I got into blogging - so I have to be very grateful for it. Around about a year ago, I found myself in a very unhealthy relationship. The girl with ambition and drive, who usually had all her life in order, no longer existed. I lost myself, engulfed in the emotion of the relationship. I was out of my depth. I was losing control of everything and I essentially allowed someone to gamble with my life and be my decision maker. 

The anxiety, hurt and frustration accumulated to a constant feeling of tension in my stomach. Which is when it became apparent, that the only thing I could have control over was my diet...so I did. I'd limit myself to only eating foods I wanted to eat, refusing to eat anything I didn't want to, like a stubborn child. I'd feel hurt, so I wouldn't eat, a way of trying to gain some physicality of the emotions. Weight dropped off me and I developed a seriously unhealthy relationship with food (mirroring my actual relationship), only allowing myself to eat a few mouth fulls of food a day and nothing too fattening. I was eating, or not eating my emotions. 

I look back on this time and I'm embarrassed by it. I'm annoyed at myself for allowing myself to get to that stage. But I also look back on it and feel such relief that that is not where I'm at in my life now. I look back and I'm glad that it happened because I wouldn't know what it feels like to be happy now. I look back and I'm proud for overcoming it and growing as a person.Yes, I have a tendency to go to the other end of the spectrum and indulge too much in food - which can be equally as bad. But as long as I'm not at the stage I was at a year ago, I am happy. So with that, I've started my journey, to be strong, not skinny - and I'm so proud that Protein World are helping me along the way.


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